You should Just Learn To Love Yourself!

I know you mean well, those of you who have uttered these words to another person (usually a woman). I get it, I really do! We should just learn to love ourselves and not self-shame and hate our bodies and be unhappy with every aspect of who we are. But you know what, that way of thinking borders on danger, I believe. If we start telling women who are 10, 20, 30 pounds overweight to not worry about how ig they are and if their thighs jiggle, then where does it stop? Where does it go from "You should just love your 130lb frame! Sure, it's the high end of normal, but you're still in the normal range!" to "You should just love yourself, and DON'T FAT SHAME! So you're 150lbs overweight, LOVE WHO YOU ARE!" Well, sure that last thing SOUNDS good, and it should be very easy seeing as you'll live a shorter lifespan (on average) than someone who maintains their weight and lives a healthy lifestyle.

Seriously, I think maybe we should start saying things like "Be healthy! If you don't like the way you look, that's just fine, because we can change that about ourselves! We have the technology!"

When I was pushing 300lbs, I would read articles by Oprah and Dr. Phil and all that jazz. They all said the same thing "Be the best you you can be! Love yourself! Accept who you are!" So, I did. I accepted the fact that I was fat. I was a fat, lazy woman who had 3 kids and a marriage, who was also incredibly unhappy. And so, I took this newfound knowledge and I did something about it. I worked on divorcing my husband, I started eating better, I began exercising. And soon, the weight started coming off and the true me started coming out. I was also, in the process, getting healthier and teaching my children healthier habits. But the best thing that I learned is that I do NOT have to just accept the fact that I was fat. NEITHER SHOULD YOU! NO ONE SHOULD BE TOLD TO JUST ACCEPT THE FACT THAT THEY ARE FAT. That is a fatalist mentality and not constructive in the least. You are not resigned to being fat for the rest of your life. You can change, you can make positive changes in your life, small, TINY positive changes that help you to move forward and be a better you--a you that is so easy to accept that no one will have to tell you "You should just learn to love yourself!" After I lost all of my weight I never had a problem loving myself, hell, I think I might have been a bit too arrogant at times. And you know what...it was never any amount of work to 'love myself', it came naturally and most of all EASILY to me, as soon as I felt better physically and mentally...one led to the other.

So, please...the next time you hear an overweight person talk about how they don't like being overweight, please don't jump to tell them how they just need to learn to accept and love themselves...tell they are capable to be the person they want to be. If you are being the person you are, you won't have to learn how to love yourself, you just will.